This week I have been struck with the realization that I cannot decide I want to do something and then walk into it assuming that I will be wanted. It’s humbling to find that people have reservations about your character, to be knocked off your feet again and reminded that you are far from what you need to be. I have been reading lately in 2 Corinthians. This morning I picked up my Bible to find these words:
“But he who boasts is to boast in the Lord. For it is not he who commends himself that is approved, but he whom the Lord commends.” 1 Corinthians 10:17-18
While I was reading this, it became so clear to me that I was walking into something I felt God had called me to do, but I that I was walking into it relying upon my own commendation. My self-confidence and pride seem so apparent to me now. I’ve spent some sweet time praying over this realization this morning. Despite the roadblock, I do not sense that the door I am trying to walk through has been fully closed yet. However, I now realize that it will not be by my strength, but by God’s grace that it will open. If He wants me to step into this new venture, He will make the way. He will commend me. I do not need to defend myself. And if I reach the goal, the process and arrival will have been made so much sweeter for this realization, for this reliance.