Friday, November 19, 2010

The Beginning of an Ending

The closer I come to leaving India the less I can manage to write. This is partially because so many thoughts are churning inside of me I never know where to start writing and partially because I’m spending time with so many people my writing is slipping to the back burner. But for two more weeks I think it can wait. I suspect there are some things I won’t be able to understand or write about until after I gain a bit of distance and look back at the whole picture (or as much of the picture my finite mind can wrap its neuronic tendrils about). So I guess I’m looking forward to bringing India home with me to process and fill my stories.

Nearly every day now I embrace tears, or at least nestle up to the edge of them. I cry because I know leaving India will be hard, because I don’t know how to say goodbye. But more often I cry because the goodness of God is a powerful force that overwhelms my heart. Either way, they are good tears. If leaving India breaks my heart, it means that perhaps I did something right, that my heart found something beautiful. Falling in love always invites the factor of pain, but love is always worth pain. No matter how much my heart may ache when I board that plane in two weeks, I will never look back on this time with regret. I will stand in awe that God chose to give me this season, that he allowed India to be my potter’s wheel and his hands to do the shaping.

1 comment:

Katherine said...

In Thai and in Wolof -- one word I never learned was "Goodbye." I still don't know how to say it. I remember my "sister," Nyillan in Senegal telling me that I have the heart of a cat and that my exploring would always bring me back to the places I have been. When I told her I would probably never be there again, she pointed to my heart, reminding me that I would always hold Senegal and her people there. The same is true for Thailand. Living in the freedom of God's Kingdom might mean a change of physical borders from time to time. However, I have found that there is a deeper connection through the Holy Spirit, and my heart, body, and mind continually travel between my current residence and my other places of habitation. I never truly feel at "home" in a place because these places are not my home. My eternal home is with Christ, where we will live forever with him and the others who love Him.